Seven Sins

the question: If you had to embody one, which of the seven deadly sins would you be --Wrath, Greed, Sloth, Pride, Lust, Envy or Gluttony?

I was going through the Vogue India website and stumbled upon this one and was quite an  interesting read actually... so what would your answer be?? But it was the responses that amused me more... the question was clear... 'if you had to embody' but our celebrities either were too cautious of their image or they did not get the question clearly as most of the ladies came up with 'Gluttony' as answer...they more answered it in a way as if which sin would they prefer to have... Gluttony of course sounds like one of the safest one to mention in public at least... Given a choice what would you embody.... I know what I can and which one I can't... I can't ever personify Wrath... I'm not capable of it... neither can I represent Greed that's not my cup of tea... but I know I can embody Gluttony ... I may be a tempting indulgence for someone....you never know ! and I can embody Lust with equal flair who can't you never how others see you as.... Envy of course I'm sure there are one or two in the world who for whom my synonym is Envy and I can't help that... Talking about Sloth, well I'm quite capable of it just that i keep trying hard not to walk on that line and hence would not prefer to embody it for sure...And then comes my favorite and that's Pride who even got it in the list of the seven deadly sins !! I can proudly embody pride and I have no qualms about it. Anyway it was a good read hence sharing with you guys.... 
http://www.vogue.in/content/if-lisa-haydon-had-be-deadly-sin#3

note to self

It's a personal new year... I'm officially into my 30s and I feel if not great then at least good about it. You can't run away from time, can you ? That's my main concern ... time... I have come to a point when 24 hours a day is just not enough for me, with so much to do, so much to achieve, so much of the world to see, so much new to learn, so many people to connect with. so many good books to read when will be able to do all that, my time definitely is limited, as if everyone's else ! Media is full of articles related to getting into 30s or turning 30... I don't understand the fuss about it, but I do agree that by this age one should at least contemplate what one has achieved and where does one want to go.... personally I am a late bloomer, I haven't achieved anything significant other than an eviable degree and a decent job and I definitely can't come up with 'been there done that' sentence, as there are hundreds of things I haven't done and thousands of places I haven't been to...literally ! So, getting in thirties did ring a bell giving a brief attack thinking the time was so limited and so much was left to so but I soon realized the time is never going to be enough and you can't do it all ... nevertheless there are things you should know by now and reminders you should keep in mind so that the days ahead will inculcate the wisdom you gathered from all those years behind ....So, this is a note to self....

it's your life... and it's your only life... get some control !!

you have a long way to go and lots to do

you are never too old to try

your happiness is your choice 

love your body as much as you love your soul 

read voraciously

sleep happily

never loose the curious child in you

learn how to say 'no' by this age people should know how to treat you well

there is more to your life than what you put on the social media 

travel as much as you can

don't let your fear hold you back from speaking your mind or doing the right thing

respect time

laugh and take it all lightly 

you can't have it all and you can't do it all and it's okay !

try touching other lives in your own possible ways

make the man upstairs proud for blessing you with this wonderful thing called 'life'

circle of gratitude

the ever changing sky !!

there are few things as good as gazing upon a beautiful sky and it's changing colors.... I do that a lot and it never stops to awe me, sometimes with its different hues, sometimes with the shape the clouds take, sometimes with the twinkling of stars and sometimes with the hide and seek that sun and moon play, it's a kaleidoscope reflecting various colors of life... and mostly reflecting what you are seeking so, next time look up with happiness and gratitude and it will be reflected back .....

 this is a picture taken of october sky over kathmandu, the clouds taking a heart shape with the moon in vicinity  ( isn't that beautiful ) 

part of thursday challenege ( http://www.spunwithtears.com/thursday.html )   

nature unplugged !!

As I stand here looking at the twinkling lights on those distant hills the wind gushes forward and ruffles my hair, crickets chirp loud and the silver beam of the moon shines through dark clouds... Sometimes this is how the life looks, sounds and feels...twinkling, singing and shining.....the bliss of being of being around the nature!

memories of your imaginations

It's monsoon and it rains beautifully....  most of the times I like rain unless it becomes too dragging stretching for days and then bringing a gloomy tone... otherwise I like everything about rain... the sound it makes, the smell it brings and the feeling it arouses .... as I sit here scribbling this post it's drizzling outside, I can hear a faint sound and thunders in between... few kilometers from here begins the gateway of north-eastern India.. I sit here and imagine all the greenery and all the beauty of those hills and mountains and those less travelled paths, I think of the swamps of Sundarban, I think of the delta of Brahmputra, I imagine a wet Cherapunji in my head, I have not been to these places yet, but I have read and I have imagined, I don't know how these places actually are but I've vivid imaginations of these places like some well treasured memories...qualities human beings are blessed with ! You can actually turn your imaginations into memories... anyway I think it will be time for a vacation soon... I feel like spreading my wings and travelling far and out ...."soon" I wish ;)

ah those red painted nails....

I am not a make-up girl.... at times like any other girl I do like dressing up and applying a bit of makeup but on a regular basic I stick to basics and neither do I have time nor liberty. However there has been one thing that I am very fond of and that's been nail colors... I've got nice long nails ( at least thats what everyone says) and I always have loved trying different shades of them but then life at times does not even provide with that little bit of luxury. While in school nail paints were a no-no due to the rules, then came college for me that happened to be a medical school and you can guess that it again was a 'no'... then I thought after am done with med school, but no residency did not even give me enough time to look into the mirror so forget the nail paint.... then I thought after all this one day am going to be independent and then no one can question my nail colors... now I have got a job a pretty hectic one and I'm a surgeon, my hands for most part of the are into latex gloves, they smell of latex at the end of the day, they feel dry due to the sterilizing powders in them.... and I look at my slender fingers at the end of the day... they are not manicured .... my nails are always plain and trimmed... and I look at the pictures of my friends and I see them holding fine goblets with red painted long nails and I give a sigh and look at my own nails again.... and I see them colorless but shinning with health and that makes me feel better about those red painted nails.... 

it wasn't love and then it was love...

it wasn't exactly love when you first time smiled at me...
it wasn't love at all when first time you called my name and my heart did  a somersault ...
it wasn't love either when we went for that first cup of tea together...
 it wasn't when we took that first walk on that windy cloudy evening with my hair ruffled and your hands trembling....
 it may not have been love when our hands softly brushed and i shuddered on that first touch...
it was a lot like love when we spent that night talking under the stars and laughing on silly nothings ...
but on those evenings when you weren't around and my heart smiled of joy such unknown that my eyes wept and the tears rolled down smiling thinking of you.... that moment for sure was love!

what's your definition of 'sexy' ??

Cad and me were having a discussion about whether a particular person is sexy or not and suddenly cad asks me what was my definition of 'sexy'... and for a moment I had no answer ! Seriously I don't find people sexy easily and I have no clue what the conventional sex appeal is..... for me it's quite different ... what I find sexy or what turns me on is more of a mental thing. Well don't doubt my orientation if I say I don't remember drooling over a guy's body ever... a well toned body definitely denotes good health and is appreciable but not necessarily sexy. Anyway so coming back to the question what I find sexy is the passion of a person,the passion with which a person does a thing whether it's his work or his hobby if it's been done with complete dedication it looks sexy, it comes out sexy.... why do you think Sherlock is such a huge sensation, definitely he is not that good looking a guy... neither is he a conventional charming metrosexual the basic fact is because he is so good at his work that led to this cumberbitch society all over the world... so thankfully I think there are other people out there who think on the same line that I do that the word 'sexy' is way more and beyond than a hot body or perfect curves... ( and of course cad laughs me off and says good work needs a certificate or a medal rather than being sexy :P ) 

déjà vu

I look up at the sky and there is a feeling of déjà vu, it's strange as I thought I was at a different land and had a different sky but I happened to spot the same stars and I can't tell you how glad I'm to have spotted them. Only if I had a camera which was capable enough to capture the sky full of stars in it's real color and real grandeur I would have done that for myself and for all you readers but alas ! I just can't sometimes figure out myself how much I love these stars, that sun and the moon... oh my moon. There is a reason I like being with them and there is a reason they make me smile as I know they are the one who will always be with me whether I'm happy or gloomy, sweet or grumpy, successful or struggling, sighing or singing... they will be there and I'll look at them hopefully will always manage a smile... I'm listening to some real old numbers right now ... ना तुम हमे जानो  ना हम तुम्हे जाने मगर लगता है  कुछ ऐसा  मेरा हमदम मिल  गया ...can you believe I used to listen to these songs when i was 12 years old and I'm not kidding I seriously used to and I still love these songs, just that I listen to them less now a days to keep away the nostalgia, nostalgia isn't meant for everyday... so the déjà vu feeling is okay to have only at times.... the sunset may be different from day to day and place to place but it is the same sun after all !

life's little blessings....

life's little blessings ....

as i'm writing this one am sitting by window and glass door of my balcony and can see a beautiful moon outside sparkling up above the sky..... and all i can do is watch it in awe.... and i feel blessed for all the nature around me .... haven't i loved doing this from a time unknown.... i simply can stare it for hours together and not get bored .... i can see in it some beautiful moments gone by.... some good times that i have hoped to have.... some dreams that have just been dreams... some dreams that have still got their chances..... some places i've been to, some places i would like to.... it's all there in the face of the moon.... is it the moon or a miraculous kaleidoscope flashing back different colors of my life.... i don't know but i'm eternally thankful that it is there at this moment peeping in from my window bathing me in it's silver glory, smiling back at me with its smooth silver beauty and its uneven spots just a full one ....something similar to how life needs both pain and pleasure to have that complete full feeling ... in spite of the imperfections they are both beautiful !

I give up on things, on things that are difficult , on things that are different for me, on things that require coming out of my shell and do something extraordinary, on things that need the voice to stand by it and stand through all the hardship... I generally give up on things... and though You are all that and much more You are different and I'm not giving up this time, I can't give up on You... it's as simple as that however complicated it may sound or seem ... I'm not giving up on You today or any other day !

out of the comfort zone !

I finally gathered the courage to move out of my comfort zone.... and it's not as bad as I thought it would be. It's definitely different but not that difficult and even if it is difficult at times you always have the option to adapt or to stop. So, life has changed quite a bit. From rush of a metro to quiet countryside, from air conditioned vehicles to the good old rickshaw, from a beautiful valley to a scorching plane, from the comforts of home to a lonely corner.... things have changed but I know it's just a phase and most importantly it's what I chose for myself.... it must have been the biggest risk I've taken till date and a first major independent decision too and I just hope it works out. The wise must have had experienced something to say that the biggest risk in life is not to take one... so here am I starting with one.

My morning starts with a cup of tea, I prepare my own breakfast, I manage the lunch on my own, I see almost a hundred patient a day without even knowing their language still I manage exchanging smiles and joke with them, I cook, I clean, I work I work insanely, I keep myself busy enough and hardly get a 'me-time', I'm making friends, I'm overcoming fears, I'm challenging myself everyday for something new sometimes I achieve that, sometimes I keep trying and quietly say myself "if not today then tomorrow", I'm stretching my limits and I'm trying them too, I know my imperfections better now and I rejoice in being the mess that I sometimes am. For now it may not be the perfect life but for this perfect moment it is the kind of life I should living !

     

this is the cup that starts my day!

the view from my balcony  !

a DIY thing to pass the leisure  TV-less hours

something that keeps me going !

a mess that I'm!!

the most beautiful eyes...

she kept looking in the mirror for longer than usual, did she really see those lines at the outer corner of her eyes ... she checked again and yes there were those crow feet and her lips curled into a smile and she said to herself   "so the most beautiful eyes in the world are aging it seems" sarcastic to her own self, her smile broadens and she nods her head as if in disbelief. his voice runs into her head "wherever or whosoever you are with tomorrow just remember that you have got the most beautiful eyes in the world " and those beautiful eyes well up ... why today all of a sudden he is in her thoughts, wasn't that one sentence quite a few years old now and she really doesn't think of him much anyway or even if she does it doesn't hurt anymore... hasn't it been ages that he got busy with his life and she with hers and both of them surely not regretting any bit of it ... but then it's only us that move but those words said and those moments spent somewhere linger in the air only to flash a glimpse of themselves once in a while and take you to a world that once existed.... so, she closes her eyes, her beautiful eyes and recounts the moment.... a young couple sitting in a crowded chaos with mixed feelings don't know whether it was falling or rising out of love and all of a sudden out of nowhere he came up with that one sentence and her eyes had welled up just like now and she knew at that very moment whether they last or not but this moment and this sentence will be with her forever.... and see it is forever...and she smiles again not sarcastic this time, nor even hurt, she smiles out of satisfaction of that glorifying sentence ....just remember that you have got the most beautiful eyes in the world... and did she really think these meager wrinkles and lines can change that.... she laughed it off softly and once more looked confidently in the mirror ready to see the beautiful world outside once again with her eyes....

let some sunshine in....

It's been gloomy, even sky is synchronizing itself with my mood, last couple of days, weeks I would rather say, in spite of the fact that I had a mini holiday too in between but nothing has been able to uplift the mood, and don't even talk about valentines it's been cold rainy and I've been under blankets down with fever for most of the day..... okay now enough of cribbing, it's just a phase won't last forever.... sometimes it just feels that everything is out of control, nothing nothing actually in the whole big universe is actually yours to have some control on.... but then as some wise men said we always have a control on ourselves and our reactions to the things that happen around us, to us..... so, I would rather go with that ..... I know I don't have a magic wand to change things or situation around me but I definitely do have some control over me and my approach and reactions to the things which I'm pretty sure is going to affect the situation around me and things will get better :) I know a hopeless optimistic bitch that I'm ... but it's better this way rather than being a sulky complaining agony aunt kind of thing... it can't rain forever... it can't stay dark always.... however full the sky may seem to be right now but there will appear a crack somewhere in that dark blanket of cloud in one tiny corner and slowly some wind and a little of sunshine will force through it slowly parting those clouds away, some of the clouds will break down, some will part, some will vaporise, and some would just float... sky will change it's color to blue with polka dots of grey and white at places.... earth will be greener post-rains and happier to see the sun back... and world too would be a better place .... and I perhaps will be stronger and better and happier a person :)

i know this pic nowhere resembles the post but but i like the way sunshine is coming towards me to fulfill the entire gallery. it's from latest trip to the land of mughals, will be posting more soon

and that's me !

dear diary.....

"Keep a diary. The biggest regret of my writing life is that I have never kept a journal or a diary."

Geoff Dyer

Recently i came across this quote and I so agree to it ! I remember there was a time when my diary was my best friend, it was at age of 13 that I started maintaining a diary and was pretty loyal to it, but with passing of time I guess 'world' happened to me... I was growing up, had a rat race to run and win, and all that took away those lofty dreams, those larger than life ideas, those fairy tale fantasies, slowly getting immersed into too much of practicality and worldly affairs I started feeling that life hardly had anything worth writing about it was more about coping up with day to day hustle-bustle and hence after 10 years with a slow fading character the habit came to an end. I was so very busy that I did not even have time to mourn over it.

 Now after few odd years of giving up writing a diary, when the major part of the rat race is over, life is a bit more settled as we might call it, I realize how much of a dull life it is.... I miss my diaries, I miss that enthusiasm I had about every little things of life that I used to write about, I miss those out of the world ideas which might have been stupid, but am sure if I would have pursued them with all the passion life would be a different story, I miss those fairy tale fantasies, somewhere deep inside I miss believing in fairy tales, it would be a little risky but if my belief was strong enough you never know life could have had a hint of fairy tale in it.

But then it's never too late is it? Fine I had given it up once but I've still got days ahead, life ahead, no matter how old I'm, no matter how much of time I've lost but I can always start, and I can always believe that there are always things in life worth writing about ! 

So, it goes to me as well as to you "keep a diary"  and record some moments of your life and your experience because your life, how so ever ordinary you may feel, always has something worth writing and rejoicing about :)

 picture courtesy: Google

appreciating life

" the true harvest of my daily life is somewhat intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. it is a little star-dust caught, a segment of rainbow which I've clutched"
Henry David Thoreau

everyday passes by and living becomes a norm, only thing we don't realize is that inside the norm too are miracles hidden which make up for this exceptional phenomenon called life..... so realize all the little and huge potentials it has and live it full !

a page from the history book

"As I sit here alone amidst all this hustle bustle in this architectural wonder, in a city which is thousands of mile away from a place i call home, I wonder where I belong to...... I call that place my home but I don't belong there, I suddenly realize that I've had no sense of belonging to any place or person till date. I love the places I've lived in, I love the people I live with am very much a part of their lands and lives as they are mine, but I don't belong to them. I belong to none.
I take a look around me and see people busy in their lives, a group sitting over there chatting away happily, a flock gathered there in another corner eating together, and I sitting on these staircase simply am staring at them.... I won't judge them today, I won't make an impression or carry a prejudice, who am I to do that. I'm no one to judge, I'm just happy about this symbiosis and this coexistence. eras from now, hundreds and thousand of years later and lives later who knows all this would be a pictorial depiction in some history book with the title 'ancient civilizations' so who am I to question the history ??? "

(picture courtesy : google )

here's to a new year....

i wish for nothing drastic or dramatic.... but i do wish for a life that is truly alive !