desires...

i've lately come to realize that, the only way to get the thing you really want is, to want it very badly!!!

solace

Last winter.........

it's winter again.... brazen trees.... foggy mornings..... curbed days..... chilled nights...... but still, while at home winters are always cozy and comfy.... heating system and warm bed.... warm socks and hot soups.....sizzling meals and hot chocolate...... but still i'm hostel-sick !

yeah, i mean everybody gets homesick at some or the other point of time, but only few get hostel-sick, few like me ( after being in hostel for last six years, i think i've all the rights to feel that way sometimes ), and it's  the winter this time which is reactivating this latent feeling......

i miss the joy of being in room no.72, yes the same room on the top floor of the hostel which had a poster of Santa with a bag full of gift,on the door,wishing everyone a happy holiday season...

i miss the sun that used to peep in through my window n wake me up on sunny winter mornings...

i miss the view offered by my window, a tree with green clouds hanging above it, standing in the football cum cricket ground which always had a commotion on sunny winter days.....

i miss that sloping roof without any fence, which used to be full of girls hanging on edges with their cell phones even on freezing nights, and for me, from up there the moon seemed so near by.....

i miss those foggy winter mornings when fog was an excuse good enough to bunk the work....

i miss having unending chats and innumerable cups of tea in the dhaba....

i miss sitting on that bench outside the dhaba and popping peanuts with friends....

i miss those juicy gossips which used to travel at a speed faster than light ....

i miss the taste of those horribly cooked meals which everyone would tag wonderful just to keep me happy and trying....

i miss those midnight maggi and late night romantic comedies while all snuggled up on bed ....

i miss the late saturday mornings and sat-special masala dosa for breakfast, and those mouth-watering jalebis on some lucky mornings.....

i miss those back-breaking rides on rickety rickshaws....

i miss those long lazy afternoon walks on that dusty road with dear friends....

i miss the warmth which a home away from home had given me......

i so very much miss the last winter.....

if i had a time machine, i wouldn't mind going back to the life which was so carefree and gay.... but now the place has changed, people too and so has life, but the memories are still fresh and it won't ever change, may be with time it'll fade a little but will always be cherished upon.....
undoubtedly one of the best times of my life.......last winter.

the taste of cigarette....

the balcony had a dim yellow light coming from the dimly lighten room, at a good distance up above in the sky was the crescent moon with a single star in it's vicinty, looking down at both of them. november night was chilling and windy enough to ruffle her shoulder length mane, as she stood there in her oversized pulover and pajamas. he was stading just next to her, but in a posture as if he alone existed in the world and there was no one else by his side, the only thing giving an indication that he was aware of her presence was,his deliberate effort to blow the smoke of his cigarette on the side opposite to where she was standing. both of them stood silently. together yet apart, lost in their own worlds. the only thing making him aware of her presence by his side was the soft smell of freshly washed hair, which was still moist. for her the smell was a li'l stronger one, nicotine was the flavour for her, and wondering by herself, she asked "how does it taste?", he gave her a queer look, and something caught his attention, her face looked pale in that dim yellow light but it was her eyes that were encapturing, her eyes were as dark as the color of her hair, her curled lashes formed a beautiful shadow over the apple of her cheeks, his mind subconsciously wondered, whether it was really the first time when he was noticing this. "how does it taste?", she asked again, he smiled , in very his way ( a slight lift of only the left corner of the lips, was his way), and brought his fag holding fingers near her lips and said "here have one by yourself, you would come to know", she simply turned her face to other side and he gave a soft teasing laugh......"not meant for soft ones like you" he said, and suddenly found her turning towards him, bringing herself very close to him, she said "i've got a better way to taste it" and before he could breath in, her lips were on his............. his hand dropped the burning butt, his footwear stamping and extinguishing it, and his hands finally getting into the thick matt of her hair.... it felt as if ages passed before they broke free, and all they could do after breaking free was, give a nervous laugh to each other. finally he broke the silence,"was that our first kiss?", she looked at him quizzically "nay, it was just my first taste of a cigarrete",she said with a teasing smile.

to be in love....

Eros, the invincible in battle,
neither can any immortal escape
you, nor any man whose life lasts for a day.
(sophocles, antigone 1781 ff.)

the heart skipped a beat with that adorable smile and life felt lively once again. there was something to wait for everyday, there was something to look forward to, life once again was beautiful. though, in my heart i always knew it would last just for a while, but what span of time matters more than that one moment which you are having right now?
love, trust me, is one of the most unpredictable thing to happen. ( reminds of a very filmy but at the same time very true dialouge, "maut aur mohabbat kisi se puch ke nahi aati"...i.e. death and love don't ask for any permission ) so, the thing called love can take possess you at any moment, and you can feel like a teenager bubling with excitement and naivity even at 50. luckily i'm not 50 yet, few years past my teenage and sometimes can still manage to look a lot like that particular age group... :)
so, music is in the air, and so is love, a smile on my face without any reason for it, and palipations at so many akward moments. stupid it might sound and feel at times, but gives a warm happy feeling, very childish though, but anyway what good does the 'certificate of maturity' given by others do? nothing but pushing us more towards a vaccum world where every step we take is to be calculated, every word we utter is thought over thousands of time before it completes the journey from our limbic system to our vocal apparatus. so, for this very moment let me be out of that practical world, let me be out of mind too, and without giving too much of thought about it, let me enjoy the present moment and let me savour the beauty of that smile.
sometimes it's absolutely fine and correct to be a little reckless, be a little selfish (or rather say, do what you truly want to do..... ) and sometimes it's also fine to be in love !!!

A piece of Mahabharata...

Mahabharata has always been one of my favourites epics..... since the very early chilhood i was very drwan to these two great hindu epics of Ramayana and Mahabharata (thanks to the doordarshan teleserials !). So these two epics ve played a great role in the shaping of the 'me' I'm today. Not that i became overtly religious or something like that, religion for me has always had one meaning...... 'belief in a supreme power which is taking care of you at each and every moment'..... now call that supreme power by any name you like to, I prefer to call him GOD. Now renaming him as Krishna, Rama, Allah, Jesus,Buddha depends on the personal choices and preferences, as far as I'm concerned ... take me to a temple to offer the flowers, or to a mosque for a sazda, or to a chruch to light a candle, or to a monastry to light up the inscence sticks, I would happily go and find my God at all the places.
Now coming back to Mahabharata...... there was a story i was reminded of today morning while sitting with my books.
One day, while training the princes for archery, guru Drona placed a bird's figure on the dart and asked all the princes to aim at the bird's eye. By chronological order the princes started attending their chances, as soon as they used to take the position n got their arrow ready to shoot, Drona would ask "what do you see prince?", all of them would reply saying they see the bird's figure on the tree, the leaves, the branches and the jungle surrounding the tree, and guru Drona would not let them proceed with the task. One by one all the prince came and went after answering this question and without completing their task. Then came Arjuna's chance, he was asked the same question before proceeding with the task "what do you see Arjun?" Drona asked, Arjun replied "gurudev, all i can see is the bird's eye" and Drona let him proceed with the task , and Arjun's arrow got it's target perfectly.
This simple story is the ultimate success mantra for all those who believe in the theory of karma, luck is a factor, but that luck is a supernatural thing, not for us to decide, not for us to ask, it is decided by someone up there very strategically and it doesn't fall in our domain, what lies in our domain is our Karma........ and this story is an inspiration towards it.