So, after a while when I finally grasped the reality and accepted it, I thought God wouldn't feel happy about it if I mourn too much for a full happy life that served the purpose it was meant to and knowing that the body was so much in pain and finally when the sufferings came to an end ain't I being selfish in wishing that it wouldn't have happened. Agreed that it's a loss for everyone in the family, agreed that he used to give us sense of security, but what about his pain, what about his sufferings, and all the efforts we made to drag it a little longer and little longer. Of course it's a human nature we give our best to things we want and we need, his body too might have fought, but lately I always used to have this feeling that his soul wanted to be freed. So, now I see him as a free soul happily going for a heavenly adobe and smiling at me, at all of us and blessing us abundantly.
I start recollecting things about him, and in retrospection I see him as an honest man who had only one religion and that was his duty. All he had done through out his life was work and fulfill responsibilities towards his family. There are random thoughts that come to my mind ...
- he graduated from presidency college in erstwhile Calcutta during pre-independence era, when he was offered job at a government office his family ridiculed saying are we sort of money that we would slave ourselves for angrez so, he got into family business
- in my entire life I have never seen him making small talks with anyone
- never saw him going to temples, unless it was very necessary, he wasn't an atheist, first thing after waking up was chanting God's name, and looking at both his hands, that was it. I remember him telling me that he doesn't believe in going to temples he has got his God in his heart...
- he was the one who used to give me my first English lessons " what are you going to have for your supper? " he would say and I would say 'dinner' :)
- he was a simple man but would prefer a crisp ironed coat but wear it with his dhoti
- the only indulgence he had was that he used to collect lottery tickets which we always found funny that he never won any