Saturday, September 25, 2010

this is where I belong

As soon as I entre the magnamous and aged building crossing the grill gate, I say to myself "Gosh! I almost hate this place and what on earth am I doing here?"
"Do I really belong here?" I find myself wondering.
Crowded lobbies, noisy surrounding, not a trace of refinement and tranquility anywhere.
A strong smell hits me hard.... smell of sweat,filth,blood and flesh.... i find my stomach churning, I feel like throwing up, but i can't do it, I must not, as this is the place where I have to come day after day.
I have no escape, this my workplace after all !
A mixture of anger and guilt rises inside me for not liking the place.
I hurry towards the staircase of the dimly lit vast building. The stairs are too narrow, almost makes me claustrophobic at times, especially when the rush of people rises.
As I climb one floor to other, I see corridors full of people with varied expresssion, but mostly a gloomy one. The faces mostly are frowned, many a times the eyes have tears too, the foreheads show many wrinkles, and the lips mostly drooping down.
"How do I survive all this everyday?" I wonder.
Thinking all this I finally reach the upper most floor, 5th i.e., and as I cross the corridor and come to the main  hall, I find myself being greeted by a smiling face "Hello doctor", she says.
She seems very happy, few days back, when she had come to this hospital, she was almost blind, and now she can see my face very well, recognize me and above all, greet me with a smile... :)
And I definitely feel blessed.
What else would you feel when you come to know that you have helped bringing back the smile on a face which was showing signs of hopelessnes.
I feel ecstatic, and I find saying myself " I do love my work".
I join my proffessors and peers who are already there for the evening rounds, I finish the rounds, get the satisfaction that we have put in our best for each patient there, and then I go to the big window in the ward, I feel the breeze softly hitting my face, making me relaxed, I see the numerous stars twinkling in the sky, filling the heart with an unknown joy, and I find the big fat moon smiling at me, and I feel in heaven and I find  myself saying
"This is where I belong." :)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

here I'm this is Me

Yes... here I'm...
I thought of eluding from my ownself....infact, I've been trying to do that for quite a while... but ...tsk tsk... didnot succeed.... and thankfully not, I guess.
I thought putting up a mask will help me be more true, and more me.....
but, somehow things aren't as easy as we always expect them to be.
I thought it was a good idea to hide behind the mask, and then talk to not only myself but to the world too, but sadly, neither did I find the world listening to me, nor did I myself paid any attention to my own words, and then I realized it's better to be myself and speak what I feel bravely, rather than try to camouflag myself and continue the act of cowrdice.
so, from now on I would try being true to myself.... the task seems very difficult but is there anything impossible for a willing soul?
least I can do is that I can try to be all things that I want to be .... atleast I will succeed at some, or least I'll go to bed with a satisfaction that i tried...:)
(this is for people who don't know who I'm... and this is for myself to affirm once again that I <3 me )

ps- call me narcist, I don't mind ! : p

Sunday, September 5, 2010

live another day

i feel sad...
i don't why
or may be i know...but can't express
life is such  damn mess
and i just keep making it mess-ier......
why can't it be simple?

i feel like crying...
but the stubborn tears won't roll down
that makes me more numb
damn, i want to cry out n aloud n let it all flow out... :(

i want it all to be a dream
and i want to wake up to a morning realizing that it's all gone
but it wont happen that way
i know, it won't

i'll ve to face my ghosts
i'll ve to fight my demons
i'll ve to keep the faith
i'll ve to live another day


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