Diary of a wounded healer...

Why is something as dreadful as Cancer just a mere subject for us?
I look around, media is full of adverts everywhere about supporting cancer patients, being compassionate to them... and who isn't? except for those of us who are in medical profession ourselves... irony that is.
Eric Segal in his book Doctors called us 'wounded healers'... and trust me we are them.... 'wounded healers'!
If you are wondering about why am I talking of these stuffs today, is just because of this guilt feeling I'm having for a bit of shouting that I did over a cancer patient.... well, apparently the fault is entirely mine.... but, for a moment look at it with a diferent angel, my angel...
We are overworked residents, who are almost robotical in their work.... we are made that way.... not our fault, for us every work is mechanical, we might have chosen this medical profession with all our hearts but at the end all we use there is our mind. Somewhere along the line of working initially on  bones, skulls, cadavers and then illness.... our heart takes a back seat and mind comes forth.
We are taught that way, to not to get attached to our patients, not to include any personal touch in our dealings, for us each patient is just a subject, to see, to learn and to treat.... that's it !
What else will you expect from doctors who works in a goverment setup.... they have got a long queue of patient standing at the OPD door.....  they have no time for meals, no time for friends and  no time to wind up or relax.... and then there are rules to be followed which are neither made for doctors nor for patients, just for administration's sake....and to top it all is that only once in blue moon someone comes and gives them some credit for the things they are doing... otherwise mostly there is no grartitude expressed, no thanks given, no appreciation put forth.....considering all this the end result is a robot working out there mechanically ....   don't expect him/her to have a heart !
But, then it doesn't happen that way.... even if I tell you that don't expect me to have a heart, I do have heart... and it hurts too, to be rude to someone with such an illness, to not be able to keep calm amidst all chaos, to not be able to tell them that see we have got a cure and you will be alright .

anyway lets hope i'm forgiven that one sentence that just sounded a bit rude...

under the libra sun...

A perfect azure sky….. with hints of bright thin patches of clouds at some places….. the libra sun shining bright and high…. Warm enough but not at all scorching…..chilly breezes hitting you…. Ruffling your hair and filling your lungs with some soul stirring smell….. it smells of the drying leaves and barks all over…. On the roads you can even find those flying yellowish leaves…. Don’t feel sad for them,  thinking that they are done with their lives, look at it the other way, they are having their final dance with the breeze and celebrating the new spring the nature is getting ready for….. all under the Libra Sun

High on Life !

it's time for personal new year again :) and i feel high on life
this time of the year always brings a new zeal with it, this year too i feel bubbling with energy... there is sooo much to do.... and as the great ones said "our time is limited !" so without wasting it anymore i better start with life ....
the 'to-do' list is a veryyy long one....and a tough on too.... but i'm all set to give it my best shot ....

• will read.... n read.... n read... (sounds boring??? nay, trust me it's fun !)
• will definitely write more ! (*seriously*)
• won't waste time worrying ( worries suck... big time !)
• will talk less and listen more ( you thought i meant it ??? :p )
• will shop wisely ( i wish i can make the statement come true...*sigh*)
• will try living healthy (now this one comes in priority... and who-so-ever is reading this lame post pls try doing this for yourself )
• will make the best of me possible :) :) :)

unmasking the masked !

I'm a master of disguise..... trust me, i've always been that way, always hidden under some mask, which doesn't show its true face to the world outside... and at times even i  myself cannot see the face hidden behind that camouflaged being, i try, i search but it becomes frustratingly difficult to get that real face out.
i attribute this stubbornness to this outside world which forces us to keep up with it and walk with it without questioning or taxing our mental faculties as to why we are that way. and we poor beings are so busy coping up with the pressure the world puts upon us that we often tend to forget what  we actually want....

have you seen those clowns performing in a circus..... we actually are those clowns.... whatever we come up with is just a performance....most of the times, we are not living rather, we are just putting  up a show, a show to please everyone around except us .... and this my friend accept it or not is the truth !

we have been running away from our own selves, we have been shutting our own selves off, suppressing the poor soul to let the outer world flourish.... and worst part is that all these sacrifices won't make us a martyr !
and why play a martyr.... when you were sent here with a purpose, a purpose of living, living a life that is healthy in all possible ways, a life that lives and let others live....a life that's meant to make this world a better place to live

there is so much to do, to see, to learn, to feel.....and the time is really limited !

i wonder what was i wasting the time on .... may be it wasn't getting wasted, it was in fact giving me a lesson... a lesson which i must practise..... i know i'm blabbering too much..... too much of nonsense, but that's how i've always been, seeking sense in nonsense.... :)
for the world outside ,I'm a No-Nonsense person.... and to my inner world, i know nonsense rules the world : p and i like it that way ! because i know, in there is a person who dreams insanely and infinitely.... in there is a person whose ideas are larger than life.... in there is a person who seeks a world which is too ideal to exist in reality ! but, even if  those dreams are impossible, those ideas insane and that spirit a bit crazy.... that is what the real me is all about....
so those starry eyes , that soft heart and that tough spirit is going to give it all that it takes ... after all it's only one life you  have got, so why not take a chance, why not take the risks and why not live?