Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Diary of a wounded healer...

Why is something as dreadful as Cancer just a mere subject for us?
I look around, media is full of adverts everywhere about supporting cancer patients, being compassionate to them... and who isn't? except for those of us who are in medical profession ourselves... irony that is.
Eric Segal in his book Doctors called us 'wounded healers'... and trust me we are them.... 'wounded healers'!
If you are wondering about why am I talking of these stuffs today, is just because of this guilt feeling I'm having for a bit of shouting that I did over a cancer patient.... well, apparently the fault is entirely mine.... but, for a moment look at it with a diferent angel, my angel...
We are overworked residents, who are almost robotical in their work.... we are made that way.... not our fault, for us every work is mechanical, we might have chosen this medical profession with all our hearts but at the end all we use there is our mind. Somewhere along the line of working initially on  bones, skulls, cadavers and then illness.... our heart takes a back seat and mind comes forth.
We are taught that way, to not to get attached to our patients, not to include any personal touch in our dealings, for us each patient is just a subject, to see, to learn and to treat.... that's it !
What else will you expect from doctors who works in a goverment setup.... they have got a long queue of patient standing at the OPD door.....  they have no time for meals, no time for friends and  no time to wind up or relax.... and then there are rules to be followed which are neither made for doctors nor for patients, just for administration's sake....and to top it all is that only once in blue moon someone comes and gives them some credit for the things they are doing... otherwise mostly there is no grartitude expressed, no thanks given, no appreciation put forth.....considering all this the end result is a robot working out there mechanically ....   don't expect him/her to have a heart !
But, then it doesn't happen that way.... even if I tell you that don't expect me to have a heart, I do have heart... and it hurts too, to be rude to someone with such an illness, to not be able to keep calm amidst all chaos, to not be able to tell them that see we have got a cure and you will be alright .
anyway lets hope i'm forgiven that one sentence that just sounded a bit rude...

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