season's greetings !

while the world is rejoicing in the holiday season..... making merry and feeling high.... life on this side seems a bit low.... well, 'low' might now be the right word, but am too tired to look for a more apt word.... am just tired, tires of the year coming and going by, and acting as a mute spectator . i too want to get in there, i too want to participate and i too want to make things happen..... it's been a lazy life..... may be not literally because i'm in too hectic a profession ..... in fact i'm into one of those which requires maximum working hours and toiling..... but somehow i feel a sense of inadequacy.... my fault !
i just want to break free for a while, i want to do things which i have always wanted to, to have those vacations i've always dreamt of, to visit those places which i always have to, to be with people i want to .....
is it too much to ask for a nice li'l break on a distant land, far from the maddening crowd, just to sip some chocolate and watch the nature change its color with every passing moment, and have a shoulder to lean on???
( well, as i'm writing this write now, at the same time my mind tells me that may be tomorrow when i get it all, i might actually be wanting what i've got right now.... that's my tragedy.... i always contradict myself! )

so, anyways,even if i don't get a vacation, even if i don't get any holiday in the holiday season, even i've to wait some more to visit those places and people.... it's still a merry season.... and i ardently believe that everyone has a secret santa.... and i've mine too who would sooner or later fill my stockings with joy and joysticks :)
 so have fun everyone.... even i'll have my share of it .... for sure in all possible way i can !

                                                             (picture courtesy: Google)

Enigma now has a Name !

Yes, it's true... it's time to shed all the masks, and embrace oneself as one is, rather than hiding behind those masks and trying to tell those half-truths, and at times the truth.
Why is animosity so lucrative?
Why do we feel more comfortable to tell the truth hiding behind those curtains, why can't we come openly and say it out and aloud on world's face?
Lack of courage???
Definitely YES!
But mostly it's not the lack of courage in facing the world, it's the fear of being our true self that holds us back. (at least in my case it has always been that way !)
why can't we accept our own self as we are.... why can't we love ourselves with all our imperfections .... Either we are ashamed or just inconfident in facing the world as we are ... thus we keep trying to make ourselves the way the world would like us to be !
I have a huge respect for people who are capable to being themselves, people who don't camouflage their thoughts, people who don't sugar quote their opinions just because we won't like them, people who have the courage to say a 'no' even if it hurts half the world.
I'm not one of them, I've always been very conscious of my image and your emotions, I don't know which one more though. Is it the fact that I would end up hurting people that keeps me sweet and semi-honest all the time, or is it the attempt of building a perfect image that makes me that way, whatever it is.... I don't like it anymore .
May be somehow i was not able to forgive myself for my mistakes, my imperfections, but, it's time now to shed that fear and shed the mask too..... it's time that I forgive myself and embrace myself with all love i am capable of showering upon.....
So ..... I'm no more an enigma to myself.... I'm Me.... and I'm happy to be this way.... and I can tell it all on your face without any fear ;)

(wish me luck!!!! :))

one sun & one moon .... at the same time !

isn't it a beautiful feeling to find the sun and the moon at the same time on the same sky?????

(the sunset and the moon has been clicked at the same time today )

Diary of a wounded healer...

Why is something as dreadful as Cancer just a mere subject for us?
I look around, media is full of adverts everywhere about supporting cancer patients, being compassionate to them... and who isn't? except for those of us who are in medical profession ourselves... irony that is.
Eric Segal in his book Doctors called us 'wounded healers'... and trust me we are them.... 'wounded healers'!
If you are wondering about why am I talking of these stuffs today, is just because of this guilt feeling I'm having for a bit of shouting that I did over a cancer patient.... well, apparently the fault is entirely mine.... but, for a moment look at it with a diferent angel, my angel...
We are overworked residents, who are almost robotical in their work.... we are made that way.... not our fault, for us every work is mechanical, we might have chosen this medical profession with all our hearts but at the end all we use there is our mind. Somewhere along the line of working initially on  bones, skulls, cadavers and then illness.... our heart takes a back seat and mind comes forth.
We are taught that way, to not to get attached to our patients, not to include any personal touch in our dealings, for us each patient is just a subject, to see, to learn and to treat.... that's it !
What else will you expect from doctors who works in a goverment setup.... they have got a long queue of patient standing at the OPD door.....  they have no time for meals, no time for friends and  no time to wind up or relax.... and then there are rules to be followed which are neither made for doctors nor for patients, just for administration's sake....and to top it all is that only once in blue moon someone comes and gives them some credit for the things they are doing... otherwise mostly there is no grartitude expressed, no thanks given, no appreciation put forth.....considering all this the end result is a robot working out there mechanically ....   don't expect him/her to have a heart !
But, then it doesn't happen that way.... even if I tell you that don't expect me to have a heart, I do have heart... and it hurts too, to be rude to someone with such an illness, to not be able to keep calm amidst all chaos, to not be able to tell them that see we have got a cure and you will be alright .

anyway lets hope i'm forgiven that one sentence that just sounded a bit rude...

under the libra sun...

A perfect azure sky….. with hints of bright thin patches of clouds at some places….. the libra sun shining bright and high…. Warm enough but not at all scorching…..chilly breezes hitting you…. Ruffling your hair and filling your lungs with some soul stirring smell….. it smells of the drying leaves and barks all over…. On the roads you can even find those flying yellowish leaves…. Don’t feel sad for them,  thinking that they are done with their lives, look at it the other way, they are having their final dance with the breeze and celebrating the new spring the nature is getting ready for….. all under the Libra Sun