"he is no more" .... "is it?"

" He is no more..." said the voice on the other end of the phone, I went numb for a while... didn't know how to respond and how to break the news to others. It took a while for the fact to sink in, they were talking about my grandfather 'nanaji' I used to address him that way. As any lucky kid who gets to spend the childhood with grandparents I too have been very close to mine. Looking at their lives I've always realized that they were different breed of human being, our generation is very different from what theirs used to be and I'm glad I happened to inculcate some value of theirs, I wouldn't say that made me a saint but definitely a better human being.
So, after a while when I finally grasped the reality and accepted it, I thought God wouldn't feel happy about it if I mourn too much for a full happy life that served the purpose it was meant to and knowing that the body was so much in pain and finally when the sufferings came to an end ain't I being selfish in wishing that it wouldn't have happened. Agreed that it's a loss for everyone in the family, agreed that he used to give us sense of security, but what about his pain, what about his sufferings, and all the efforts we made to drag it a little longer and little longer. Of course it's a human nature we give our best to things we want and we need, his body too might have fought, but lately I always used to have this feeling that his soul wanted to be freed. So, now I see him as a free soul happily going for a heavenly adobe and smiling at me, at all of us and blessing us abundantly.
I start recollecting things about him, and in retrospection I see him as an honest man who had only one religion and that was his duty. All he had done through out his life was work and fulfill responsibilities towards his family. There are random thoughts that come to my mind ...

•  he graduated from presidency college in erstwhile Calcutta during pre-independence era, when he was offered job at a government office his family ridiculed saying are we sort of money that we would slave ourselves for angrez so, he got into family business
• in my entire life I have never seen him making small talks with anyone
• never saw him going to temples, unless it was very necessary, he wasn't an atheist, first thing after waking up was chanting God's name, and looking at both his hands, that was it. I remember him telling me that he doesn't believe in going to temples he has got his God in his heart... 
• he was the one who used to give me my first English lessons " what are you going to have for your supper? " he would say and I would say 'dinner' :)
• he was a simple man but would prefer a crisp ironed coat but wear it with his dhoti
• the only indulgence he had was that he used to collect lottery tickets which we always found funny that he never won any 

there is no man without a fault, he too must have had some but none that i know of, and neither do I want to because it's always good to have an ideal example....so, there are hundreds of memories that I have of him , and since yesterday every moment a new memory comes up which I never even knew existed, and then I smile at the irony of words that they say "he is no more... " well, I find him in thousands of my memories and he will always be there for me forever...

dear diary.....

"Keep a diary. The biggest regret of my writing life is that I have never kept a journal or a diary."

Geoff Dyer

Recently i came across this quote and I so agree to it ! I remember there was a time when my diary was my best friend, it was at age of 13 that I started maintaining a diary and was pretty loyal to it, but with passing of time I guess 'world' happened to me... I was growing up, had a rat race to run and win, and all that took away those lofty dreams, those larger than life ideas, those fairy tale fantasies, slowly getting immersed into too much of practicality and worldly affairs I started feeling that life hardly had anything worth writing about it was more about coping up with day to day hustle-bustle and hence after 10 years with a slow fading character the habit came to an end. I was so very busy that I did not even have time to mourn over it.

 Now after few odd years of giving up writing a diary, when the major part of the rat race is over, life is a bit more settled as we might call it, I realize how much of a dull life it is.... I miss my diaries, I miss that enthusiasm I had about every little things of life that I used to write about, I miss those out of the world ideas which might have been stupid, but am sure if I would have pursued them with all the passion life would be a different story, I miss those fairy tale fantasies, somewhere deep inside I miss believing in fairy tales, it would be a little risky but if my belief was strong enough you never know life could have had a hint of fairy tale in it.

But then it's never too late is it? Fine I had given it up once but I've still got days ahead, life ahead, no matter how old I'm, no matter how much of time I've lost but I can always start, and I can always believe that there are always things in life worth writing about ! 

So, it goes to me as well as to you "keep a diary"  and record some moments of your life and your experience because your life, how so ever ordinary you may feel, always has something worth writing and rejoicing about :)

 picture courtesy: Google

An Equal Music- A review

It's been my the most favorite book, ever since I've read it which is 12 years back and I'm still in love with it, and here is review which was written 10 years back

“AN EQUAL MUSIC”

                                                                                         By - Vikram Seth

 A world of melodies beautifully woven around a melancholic love story.  An Equal Music is a heartrending saga of a lost love which however never looses its existence in the life of the lovers and rekindles itself to be extinguished once again.

The plot of the book is based on love and music, or to put in another words it’s ‘love for the music’.  The story revolves around Michael, a violinist who plays in a quartet and who is still haunted by the ghost of a foregone relationship, a relationship with Julia, the pianist with whom he had fallen in love 10 years back while in Vienna, and with whom he actually has never fallen out of love, a loss which he has never been able to retrieve. After 10 years of their falling apart and losing each other one day Michael happens to spot Julia on a bus on a street in London and he can’t help himself from pursuing her again. Julia is now married to a banker and has a son, and apart from these new developments in her life there is one more secret…. she is going deaf, but none of these stop her from getting involved with Michael once more. So the broken strings of love are reunited by both of them but to lose it all once again.

The background of the book is based in places like London, Vienna, Venice and Rochdale and of course the writer’s skill as a travel writer is well evident by the vivid portrayal of these places. The music, the emotions and the places go together hand in hand in this book, each of them lead to another one and all are beautifully interwoven.  With just a handful of characters the book never leads to any confusion for the readers. The central characters being Michael Holmes (who narrates the book) and Julia McNicholl, other than them is Virginie, the young French girlfriend of Michael who also happens to be one of his students, then two other characters are Julia’s husband and her son, and few others like the rest of the members of Maggiore quartet where Michael belongs, Michael’s father in Rochdale and Mrs. Formby whose fiddle is what Michael plays. Each character has his/her own charms and oddities. Both the central characters seem to be at a war with their own inner selves, they are torn between love and duty, faith and fidelity, silence and music. In spite of having quite melodramatic situations and circumstances like, the agony and pain of a musician going deaf ,or the constant insecurity of Michael about losing the only two objects of love in his life, Julia and his violin, the story is not overtly dramatized . At the end of the story music wins and music survives and that gives the answer to all their questions, and gives the hope to all their despairs, and as Michael says at the end: “Such music is a sufficient gift. Why ask for happiness; why hope not to grieve? It is enough, it is to be blessed enough, to live from day to day and to hear such music--not too much or the soul could not sustain it--from time to time” this sentence explains it all, though the characters loose their love but the real love of their life is music, which shall always remain with them.

With this book Vikram Seth once again proves himself to be one the finest writers of his generation. His range needs no further explanation, as the book itself shows how its characters n music belongs to an entirely different world when compared to a historical world of post-independence India that was depicted in Seth’s A Suitable Boy”. An equal music blends two different forms of art (music and literature) so very well that the emerging equation is simply a delight to go through. The symphonies and the sonatas are described with such fine details that the reader can actually hear the music being played. The language is poetic and needless to say beautiful…. “Who must follow these prerogatives, these hidden histories of the chameleon word ‘love’?” sentences like these which enrich this book are a delight for both mind and heart. And in this pragmatic world if at all Love with all its beauty, complexities and divinity is considered to be a form of art then for sure the writer excels in that aspect too by wonderfully merging these beautiful forms of art and these substantial expressions of human emotions into a very pleasantly painful musical experience called An Equal Music – an equal music that will keep echoing in the ears of readers long after it has been read.

appreciating life

" the true harvest of my daily life is somewhat intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. it is a little star-dust caught, a segment of rainbow which I've clutched"
Henry David Thoreau

everyday passes by and living becomes a norm, only thing we don't realize is that inside the norm too are miracles hidden which make up for this exceptional phenomenon called life..... so realize all the little and huge potentials it has and live it full !

simple reasons to smile ....

Sometimes all you need is something as insignificant as a pretty shade of nailcolor to make you feel happy...  so look around and find those small nothings which can make you smile !

postcards from pokhara

there are few glimpses from my recent visit to Pokhara...too lazy to write, an pictures speak more than words so have a look.....

Sabbatical September !

September is supposedly my sabbatical month.... not in all literal senses though, as I'm on no vacation physically or mentally, but astrology suggests that September is a month when I'm on a recuperation kind of thing. And boy I am into astrology...just for fun sake though (confession that is !) . Yes, am a Linda Goodman fan and why not she was too good at her work, and I once in while do go through the zodiac columns especially the ones that almost always suggest that life has something good coming up every month, day or week, and I'm a fierce Libra, correction there... libra is hardly fierce so call it a loyal libra. So, September is a month when I should be relaxing and assessing the year gone by and rejuvinate myself for a new personal year to begin, and the funny is that I too feel that by this time of the year I'm lazy than most of the year and by the end of this month I'm ready to put on that silk gloves over my iron hands and wave to the world fleetingly.
So, in a nutshell right now I'm plain lazy, all I want most of the time now a days is cuddle up under a soft summer blanket with a fine book in my hand and sip up the coffee kept on the bedside table, or I just want to gaze out of my window to see the rainy grey sky slowly turning into beautiful blue and welcoming kites flying high ( yes that's how autumn begins in my city and it's almost here :)) and most of the time I want to sleep dreamless without a thought on my mind. wishes they are I know.... *sigh*
Moreover there are things occupying mind and heart, issues to deal with, battles to be fought, hearts to be won, faith to be stored, challenges to be tackled, and a life to be loved !
 So, even though I'm not having a sabbatical september but I'm having my share of things even if in small doses and I'm just hoping and praying and wishing that the days will come ...the days that have so often been dreamt of prayed for... in the mean time it's still a life which is no doubt a blessing . :)

the unshakable faith i've 

isn't it such a cute one??? 

found this on internet and couldn't help sharing !

may his blessings be showered upon all of us 

the book i'm reading right now

the movie i watched yesterday night

it's worth a watch do give it a try for some beautiful performances & music with a 'feel good' story !

if you don't have a reason to smile, try finding one !

trust me I try doing that every time and it sort of helps 

 

a nice cup of coffee is always relaxing 

 a glimpse of september sun

the picture was taken last year in september at an hour's drive from kathmandu, it was stil on my mobile so just insta-gramized it !

and before concluding the post some words which I'm abiding by right now....

“Let yourself be drawn to the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” Rumi

a break that builds you up again....

once in while when life gets too monotonous and too tiring everyone need a break and obviously not everyone can afford it with all the time and budget constraints, but let not that hold you back, in fact let nothing hold you back if you truly want something ( that's my own personal mantra ! ). so, if you are in that kind of mental status, plan a day out to the nearest escape you can think of, fine if it's not that exotic and fine you have been there thousands of time.... sometimes you don't realize how familiarity adds to comfort... so go there to the place you have been thousands of time.... sit there without thinking a thing, watch at the crowds or buildings or sky or sun or river whatever that place has to offer, you won't need to put in your brains as it will all be so familiar.... and you can simply unwind letting your thoughts flow freely... and if you have an eye for adventure trust me you can find a new one anytime at any place you like to, remember every person and everything always has an element that can surprise you so look for that surprise, so if not much then try a restaurant in the vicinity of that place, or a local shop you have always seen but never took notice of or simply explore that street, you never know what might be in store !

recently i did a similar thing, was bored by daily routine and time constrains won't allow me to take a weekend off so, just took an afternoon off and made a visit to this very famous landmark of my city, called the Boudhanath Stupa . It lies in one of the busiest area of the city so it's not a getaway for sure, just half an drive from my house and believe me gave me all that i was looking for. irrespective of the fact that i have been there so many times before and taken almost all the relatives of mine from Nepal and India and abroad whosoever visits our city to this place, going there all by myself just fro relaxation was quite fun. It's crowded, it's bustling with life, and yet i found the peace i was looking for, so i guess you just have to look hard ;) and for the surprising element, i had never explored the handicraft shops in the vicinity as i always thought those were meant for tourists, but this time i just checked in one of the shop and it did surprise me, i got some really cool stuffs at a good bargain... the place is full of beads and mask shops and which girl doesn't like a little of bling ! so it was after all a good idea to just go to a nearby place and yet feel rejuvenated.

  here are few pics and those who want to know more about the site can go to wiki and read and there is also a documentary by BBC on seven wonders of Buddhism which includes this very stupa too... so, have a look
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boudhanath
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrzXMC0QhT8

from a different angle

the handicraft shops in the street

isn't that cool.... and especially if you believe that fashion has no rules !

a fresh start with a cup of nimbu chai (lemon tea)...

I've never been an early riser... but, on those few days that I manage to get myself up early , I must admit that I love the feeling... the freshness and of course the sunrise ! There are few things as beautiful as a sunrise that so easily symbolises a new beggining , whatever phase or stage of life you are at when you get to see the sun rise slowly and take over the dark sky spreading it's beautiful orange hue you know that you still have got chance to start all over again !
Anyway, so since I got up early today , I thought of taking my own sort of relaxing break for a while so watched the sunrise with a cup of nimbu chai.... yes thats my personal favourite, just for one reason because that sweet sour drink tastes almost like life. If you don't agree try it out by yourself, but i would recommend please do not go for lemon flavoured tea... rather make a usual black tea and squeez half a lemon by yourself into that and then you will realize when the aroma of lemon starts right from your finger tips.... for health conscious ones there can be variation, you can add lemon and honey to green tea and then have your drink ... good for skin and full of anti oxidants, so whichever way you like try it out once while watching your sunrise :)
and now since I've to get back to usual world, work and all that stuff so I'll just put a picture of the place from where some of the finest tea in the world come ... yes of course Dajeeling... it was taken last year, the only regret I've again is carrying my phone instead of  a proper camera.... have a good day people !

the confession of an ordinary girl

well.. well... the title for this post is a myth... because I'm no ordinary girl... who is? yes, for all you beautiful ladies out there do you really believe you are ordinary... go and check yourself out in the mirror but then make sure you are looking at yourself with your own eyes and not from the eyes of the world  and you will see the difference.

I'm no expert but what I've found true to be for myself I'll share with you :
don't judge yourself by the advertisements in glossy and outrageously expensive magazines which are more filled with airbrushed pictures of models and actress and criminally expensive designer advertisements, even you know that you are not something that those pages of magazine describe you to be .... for example one magazine describes its reader as some agony aunt for friends, or the secret santa of office staffs etc. you know you are none of them, you are pretty much occupied by your own life and your own problems to pretend that you are someone who can tackle others' problem too.

don't be harsh to yourself because you don't look as those beautiful girls who come on those saas bahu serials or those daily sex and the city like series, you are not meant to be like them and confess it can you really walk around with layers and layers painted on your face 24x7 with those hideous jewelleries when it comes to deshi soaps and those flimsy clothes as in the international ones.

don't  look at those fashion bloggers wishfully thinking how every other girl can turn into a fashionista where as you can hardly carry yourself even on some very important occasions. don't break your head thinking where are they affording those designer labels from and those expensive cosmetics from, that's their job let them have fun with it, just the way you and me have a job and we too can have fun with it and trust me the story behind those pages are not all rosy as it seems to be.

don't be jealous of your forgotten friends on fb when they put up their vacation pictures and they look so happy  and so much in shape. fine they have a life but so do you ! have you ever known what someone thinks of you when you smile that brightly, have you ever wondered that small weekend gateway you took few months back, the pictures were exotic, even though for you it might have felt like standing in that small semi jungle thing was no big deal, but you never know your same forgotten fb friend abroad sitting in her office compartment must be going green seeing the greenery around you.

don't feel inferior to that sophisticated head turner you have at your work place, so what if every alternate person seems to have a thing for her, the way she carries herself,  her crisp sense of dressing, her in vogue hairdo, her perfect mannerism..... woman fine if you are not her, realize that you are you... it's perfectly alright to dress shabby sometimes , or dressy pretty plain most of the days because you feel comfortable that way, or your budget allows you that, it's perfectly alright to sit in a corner and crack jokes with few friends you have and not be noticed, it's alright to laugh hard when sophisticated ones only giggle, it's alright to tip off at times while wearing those uncomfortable heels, it's perfect to have the shape you have, you may not fit into  that skinny jeans but get into a saree and look at yourself in the mirror, you just don't know that days when you put in a little extra effort how many heads you turn.

 So, all I want to say is that love yourself , for who you are not for who you want to be.... it's just that you don't know that there are people who want to be you..... :)

 (picture courtesy : facebook )

saturday and all things good !

gulmohor gar tumhara naam hota

this is a belated b'day post.... if you are wondering whose ... then it's of one of the finest poets of hindi that i've read.... though i admitted i haven't read much of hindi poetry but what ever little i've read i find this poet quite exceptional.... yes Gulzar Saab is the one i'm talking of, have you ever noticed how simple and yet soul stirring are the songs he writes.... this is a very rare quality not everyone can touch the chords of your soul with words as simple as his.....  i know his discography is a huge one to even attempt to mention, and i myself being a huge fan have got my own repertoire of his songs, where i can't just list one favourite because it is impossible ... but as a tribute to him today i would like to mention a song of his here which is not as famous as his most of the songs are.... like those from movie Aandhi... is mod se jaate hain kuch sust kadsam raste.. or the one like ... mera kuch saaman tumhare pass pada hai.... or some latest numbers like ...kajrare.... but here is a song which is no less beautiful and quite addictive... simple words and yet so beautiful.... they don't say it without reason that there is always a hidden beauty in simplicity..... this song proves it.... i got introduced to this song few years back on a flight, by the time the flight landed i was s hooked to it that first thing i did after getting access to internet was to download this song  ... give it a try it's worth it !

Gulmohar gar tumhara nam hota
 Mausame gul ko hasana bhee hamara kam hota
 
 Aayengee bahare toh abke unhe kehna jara itna sune
 Mere gul bina kaha unka bahar nam hota
 Gulmohar gar tumhara nam hota.......
 
 Sham ke gulabee se aanchal me ek diya jala hai chand kaa
 Mere unn bina kaha uska chand nam hota
 Gulmohar gar tumhara nam hota......

here's the link :

http://youtu.be/eG5CqEIQtFE

ps: i personally think the videao hasn't done justice to the song so here it with your eyes closed ;)   n picture courtesy: google

nature talks....

one thing i look forward while on a health camp is the surrounding areas, for the reason that the camps are usually organized in rural areas and as expected these areas are still far for hustle bustle and pollution of the city life..... where the pristine beauty of nature is still preserved in its nascent form.... so here is a click from today's health camp... wishing that i was carrying a better camera rather than just my phone....

glad that they happened :)

With age and with time your world changes and so do people around you… meaning of words like friendship changes too… at one time the girl who shared her chocolates with you was your best friend, at one time the boy sitting next to your desk was your best friend, then at a certain age the girl whom you shared all the secrets with was your truest friend ever, then the bunch you blended with was group of the best buddies you ever had, then person who could think just like you was your precious possession, then the person you could hug and weep your heart out was your soul sister...and so the list goes on… people have come…been there … made an impression… had a good time… some have stayed…some drifted away… but no matter what or where they are… you know that they have enriched your life in some way or the other… all of them… you may not say it often or ever but you know that you at times think of each of them fondly… and you are so thankful that ‘they happened to you’ … Happy Friendship Day people !!

food for thought !

feel good clicks :)

I've no special talents or any specific hobby, by nature I'm a very lazy and laid back person with a variety of interests but none where I excel.... but, I'm not complaining because by now I've learnt to accept and love myself with all my imperfections... my imperfections keep me sane and human and trying too... if not to attain a perfection then at least to attain that perfect balance between perfection and imperfection.... :)
So, I was talking about my hobbies.... I have an unusual one on my list... I collect wedding cards.... well call me a mush queen, am not complaining.... since very childhood I was fascinated by romance and a wedding card for me would symbolize something very romantic.... with age I came to realize that it's not just the romance which goes into making of a wedding card.... especially in our subcontinent weddings are way more than commencement or culmination of a romance ... for us a wedding card symbolizes of course romance but along with it an approval...some promises. ... cultures....traditions....a celebration....some prayers and blessings ! so, I always felt it inappropriate to let a wedding card go into trash right from a very young age... so I started collecting them....
And I have another hobby too... that is to click all the things that I find pretty.... am no photographer at all but I click just for the beauty and the 'feel good' feeling of the subjects.... so here are some of my feel good the clicks .....

                            

..

ps :  sometimes I'm my favourite subject :)  i know NARCISSIST... can't help it I'm a Sheldon-Fan ;)

flying high

a tiny-miny birdy peeps out of her nest and looks at the world outside.... today is the d-day... the day when she is to spread her wings and touch the sky... the day for which she has been trained by her folks since days... how excited everyone is to see her take the flight.... and how dearly she has been wishing for it since so long....how often has she wondered how it would be to spread the wing wide in that infinite blue and sore higher and higher on her own.... to get up there and look at the wonders of the nature that surrounds her.... to be the in the flock of her folks and peers... most importantly to be able to feel the feeling of being self-sufficient.... if so then why is she scared ?? they are all calling her and she frightened just peeps out.... then sees her folks cheering up for her... and thus slowly hops to the ground.... and then initially takes some baby steps.... then few more hopping and then finally looks up at the sky and realizes that it's waiting for her .... and she runs.... taking up the speed .... slowly spreads her wings...lifts her feet.... and there she goes.... flying finally ...a little high....then higher ....n then higher.... spreading her wings wide.... the sun is happy today and sky painted in a happy blue with scattered whites...winds favourable...as if every piece in the universe is there to cheer her up and welcome her to a new beginning .... and so she flies marveling at every sight that comes in view.... basking in the glory ...soaking in the warm sun....and spreading her wings high for journey that has just begun and has a long long way to go...... and the very thought brings smile on her face :)

my pictures their words :)

some words that i love on my click :)

a pic taken at Marina Beach, Chennai ... to know more about this lively beach : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marina_Beach

on a cup of tea

this is the view for my morning tea.... :)

कई बार यूँही देखा है ये जो मन की सीमा रेखा है .... मन तोड़ने लगता है ...... अनजान प्यास के पीछे ....... अनजान आस के पीछे मन दौड़ने लगता है .....

if God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him

it's ram-navami... ma took me to the temple with her.... and there while waiting in the queue for quite sometime... i wondered how is it possible to find peace in such a chaos, which i most often do... and i  realized how correct Voltaire was when he said " if God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him ".... well accept it or not ... most of us do need a constant consolation that there is someone up stairs taking care of the things for us.... and what a relief that little belief is !!

whenever Morari bapu talks about 'ram janam' his musicians always play this number by kailash kher.... do give it a try am sure at least some of you will get goosebumps....

am i sounding overtly religious.... am not.... just that i believe that all of us should believe in something more than science... something more beautiful and powerful than science.... and now don't judge me there.. am almost a scientist !

so people keep having faith in what ever suits u... be it Ram, Krishna, Jesus, Allah, Buddha.... whatever name you give it but believing in healthy way is a nice thing :)

stay blessed !

ps: the song : http://youtu.be/-GjeXe8gSd4

L.O.V.E

for all those web of relations that surrounds us... for all those expressed & unexpressed emotions... for those tears of joy n those teary heartaches.... for all those denials and acceptance... for all those butterflies in tummy n those sleepless nights.... for moments of eternal peace and of war....for all those memories n moments... for those losses n for those treasures... for its sheer stupidity n its unfathomable genius ... 'LOVE' we know is a powerful emotion ... hate it...love it...celebrate it or not.... but at the end of the day keep some for yourself... no one deserves it more from you than your own self .... after all you are the one who bears yourself all life long !! Happy V-Day People ;) !! ♥

a page from the history book

"As I sit here alone amidst all this hustle bustle in this architectural wonder, in a city which is thousands of mile away from a place i call home, I wonder where I belong to...... I call that place my home but I don't belong there, I suddenly realize that I've had no sense of belonging to any place or person till date. I love the places I've lived in, I love the people I live with am very much a part of their lands and lives as they are mine, but I don't belong to them. I belong to none.
I take a look around me and see people busy in their lives, a group sitting over there chatting away happily, a flock gathered there in another corner eating together, and I sitting on these staircase simply am staring at them.... I won't judge them today, I won't make an impression or carry a prejudice, who am I to do that. I'm no one to judge, I'm just happy about this symbiosis and this coexistence. eras from now, hundreds and thousand of years later and lives later who knows all this would be a pictorial depiction in some history book with the title 'ancient civilizations' so who am I to question the history ??? "

(picture courtesy : google )

here's to a new year....

i wish for nothing drastic or dramatic.... but i do wish for a life that is truly alive !